Followers of this eminent publication will know of the higher authority networks that our secretary, Mike ‘Kit Kat’ Kerlogue, has built up to ensure that our golf days are blessed with calm, dry days. So, it seemed again as twenty enthusiastic golfers (I use both terms loosely) assembled for coffee and bacon baps in the well-appointed lounge of Aldwickbury Golf Club.
Wet gear was carried but not thought to be required as the teams were announced, the dreaded yellow ball handed over to the captains and Kit Kats distributed to those who did not have to refuse on medical grounds.
Team A were the first to tee off under the eye of a very patient marshal who dryly commented that “things can only get better, gentlemen” when no one managed further than fifty yards with their first efforts and Team B were considering whether they had time for another coffee before they could commence their round!
We would normally have a photograph of Team C here but the technologically challenged secretary claims his camera inexplicably changed formats without him noticing and the image has been lost or is now orbiting the space station.
As Team C included the secretary and therefore constituted a selfie this is entirely plausible. Team C: Paul Atkins / Doug Newman / Tim Bowler / Mike Kerlogue.
Of this fine body of gentlemen, only Team B managed to hang onto their yellow ball for all 18 holes which probably explained their fraught appearance back in the clubhouse, whereas all other teams looked quite relaxed having lost their balls (there’s probably a bawdy musical hall ditty that could be hummed at this point) by the halfway stage.
Bottles of wine were duly handed out to Keith Spiers, John Turner and Martin Fagan in recognition of their achievement with strict instructions that it was not to happen again.
Having started in fine autumnal weather the storm clouds gathered and light rain, interspersed with monsoon showers hit the leading group on hole seven and did not look likely to clear quickly which led to some groups (the optimists without their wet gear) deciding to retire at the halfway point, to seek shelter and warmth at the 19th.
Team A who had no satnav in their buggy and had been in danger of being in the running for a collective ‘Shanker of the Day’ trophy for almost playing two incorrect holes – some tee directions being sadly missing – decided to plough on having located the 10th after a short tour.
The reduction in those completing the full 18 holes was undoubtedly a contributing factor to Nigel Howl winning the Steele Bowl for the best score of those with a handicap of 24 or higher. This was as much a surprise to him as the rest of the assembly!
Chris Bell mentioned that he had had a good front nine but had to retire on the tenth as his playing partners walked off. It was mischievously suggested that it might not have had anything to do with the weather!
Chauffeur, Captain, Faldo – yes him – Peter Bothwick, presenting the Steele Bowle to Nigel Howl.
The overall winner with 34 points was John Turner from Tony Wood after the secretary had employed his abacus on countback,
John receives his well earned bottle of fizz.
The Guests Prize went to John Walker who obligingly made sure that the Captain was in at least four photographs when he collected his wine.
The Steve Beckett trophy for ‘Shanker of the Day’ was won by Patrick Carty. We would have liked to have brought you a fifth photo of the Captain presenting the trophy but alas the cup was not in attendance. There was some discussion as to where it was residing but a major diplomatic incident was avoided when Tony Wood made a phone call home and it was ‘discovered’ under his stairs! Once the supply chain crisis eases and drivers are available the trophy will be delivered to its new home.
Patrick won when VAR and goal line technology ascertained that he needed three attempts to place his tee behind the yellow markers on the 18th. It had been a long day.
Dinner was partaken by all and many better shots were played at table than were in evidence on the course. Our thanks to Aldwickbury Golf Club for looking after us and for having the opportunity to meet safely in these less restricted times.
This was the first SHANKS meeting since the sad death of our friend and colleague Mike ‘the Divot’ Windett. Mike Kerlogue in his closing remarks said that he was looking into a new award in memory of Mike and that he hoped to advise us of details when we next meet, which is scheduled for 19th May 2022.
Chris Bell thanked Kit Kat for his ongoing efforts to keep SHANKS going and his unfailing good humour in doing so. Hear, hear.
£143 was raised for PICT on the day.
“exposé prepared by Nigel Howl”