Tuesday, 5th September 2023 - Mid Herts Golf Club,

As we enter July it’s just a couple of months before the next Shanks outing – Tuesday 5th Sept’23.


 We are returning to Mid Herts which we played last September,  and it was decided by the few who rolled up that we would come back this year,  as we enjoyed both the course and the excellent meal of Gammon steak, egg and chips in the hope that we would get more attending.


 So, the gauntlet has been thrown down and all you have to do is let me know you are joining us on 5th September.


 As usual, meet at 12.00 noon, tee off from 1.00pm and early evening meal around 6.30pm followed by prize giving and away by 8.00pm ish.  Cost £75 per head, please pay me by electronic transfer to my Barclays acc. ( If you don’t have details let me know and I’ll forward info. ).


Buggies available, let me know if you require and will try to double you up with a like-minded buggy mate. Payable direct to pro shop on the day.


 The main trophy up for grabs is The Steele Bowl for handicappers of 24 and above,  currently held by Nigel Howl.  For the overall winner a bottle of fizz.  Plus, yellow ball team competition will be back;  the Steve Beckett Trophy for Shanker of the day;  the Mike Windett Divot Trophy for the player visiting the highest number of bunkers in the round of golf.


 Please do you best to join us so you can experience this great course, and as always visitors will be most welcome.


 Looking forward to hearing from you.


 Finally, JOB VACANCY.  It’s 20 years since I was asked to arrange a Shanks golf day, with the expectation that it wouldn’t last long, and you have been lumbered with Kit Kat ever since.  We need a younger buck to take Shanks on to a higher level.  Is there a Shanker out there who can take on the challenge ?


 Mike Kerlogue

Spring Meeting Abbey Golf Club - 18th May 2023

It was a gloriously sunny day when I turned into the Abbey Hotel and Golf Course complex wondering again about the other worldy contacts that Mike ‘Kit Kat’ Kerlogue must have to ensure splendid weather for our Shanks golf days! Walking into the foyer I bumped into past President, Rod Benwell, who had allegedly been for some early practice on the golfing range. As this is contrary to Shanks behaviour I repaired immediately for strong coffee and a bacon bap in the golf lounge where other Shankers were already attending to dietary requirements rather than practice routines.  

This was an opportunity to catch up and exchange pleasantries but when conversation moved on to medical conditions it was swiftly decided to curtail this avenue of discussion as it would have necessitated moving tee times to Friday morning!

Kit Kat thanked everyone for supporting the event and advised that PICT President, Mike Gee, was disappointed at not being able to attend but had sent his apologies. He then handed out scorecards having made a stab at handicaps wittering on about Handicap Index, Course Slope Ratings and some general theory of relativity. Either because he remembered the last time we played this course (September 2017) and all yellow balls were lost by the 7th hole; or the budget wouldn’t stretch to yellow balls and free kit-kats; or he couldn’t be bothered; the secretary decided there wouldn’t be a yellow ball competition but just a team competition where two scores per hole from each team would count. The party then made their way to the first tee, fearing more mental torture if they stayed in the lounge!

Ten players assembled with your scribe (hors de combat and unable to play) assigned to chauffeur duty for the Captain – him, Faldo, Bothwick.

 A relaxed crew prepare to tee off. Kit Kat was on camera duty, Tim Bowler refused to be in shot muttering something about image rights and Robert Moore was caught in traffic on the M40.

Team A: Gary Brady / Ryan Langworthy / Peter Bothwick + his chauffer Nigel Howl.

 

Team B: Chris Godfrey / Paul Tooby / Phil Trudgeon

 

Team C:  Tim Bowler / Rod Benwell / Robert Moore / Kit Kat

 

I have to say that my companions, Gary, Ryan and Peter epitomised everything about a SHANKS golf day – cameraderie, conviviality, and joviality with golf a distant fourth! In fact the golf was so relaxed that I was minded to take a G&T refresher in the Clubhouse on the ninth, feeling that I wouldn’t have missed much by re-joining them on the eleventh. However, the architects had changed the layout at the Abbey and the ninth is now in the middle of the housing development, so that was another good idea shelved.

 

                                                

                                    

The golf course was in a much better condition than the last time we played here and it was obvious that some money has been spent on drainage and maintenance. Nevertheless, the smidgin of water round the course, as the secretary called it, accounted for a number of lost balls. Having lost many yellow balls on previous Shanks days I should note that I found two yellow balls whilst perambulating the course, so came back with positive yellow ball figures for the first time ever.

Team B obviously contained the ‘professional’ golfers and they showed their class by winning the team competition by some considerable margin, without the aid of the Duckworth Lewis method. Yorkie bars all round to keep up the sugar intake.

The overall individual winner with 27 points was Tim Bowler, seen receiving his bottle of fizz from the Captain.                                

The Syd Humphries trophy for the best score for those with a handicap of 24 or higher was contested by Phil Trudgeon and Paul Tooby both on 33 points, with Phil being triumphant on countback.                                

If the smiles look a little forced, it’s understandable as they had to hold hands for five minutes whilst the secretary got his shutter release in order.

The Mike Windett Divot trophy awarded for visiting as many bunkers as possible, was won by Paul Tooby and his great effort in visiting three on the 18th to secure the trophy is noted.

We would like to show you a picture of the presentation but the Secretary’s shutter release (is that a technical term or medical condition? Ed) was not functioning correctly and the image is unfit for publication.

This left the Steve Beckett Memorial Trophy for Shanker of the Day.

The nominations were:

Rod Benwell for practising prior to play.

Ryan Langworthy for needing goal line technology to tee up on the 2nd.

Mike Kerlogue for his Barnes Wallis shot on the 17th which skipped neatly over the water and onto the fairway.

As it was almost exactly eighty years to the day of the Dambusters mission on 17th May 1943, it was unanimously agreed that Mike Kerlogue should win the trophy he last held in May 2021.                                      

A very pleasant dinner of Coq au Vin followed by apple tart and ice cream was enjoyed by all and the presentations were watched with some amusement by a young family enjoying dinner on a nearby table – let us just say they tolerated us admirably.

 

Our thanks to the Abbey GC for looking after us and to Mike for organising another fine and entertaining day which raised over £285 for the PICT coffers.

 

 

report by Nigel Howl

 

SHANKS AUTUMN HACK - Mid Herts Golf Club, Wheathampstead

I would like to tell you that it was a glorious autumnal day driving into the Mid Herts Golf Club looking forward to a coffee and bacon roll and relaxing conversation before unfurling driver on the first tee. Unfortunately, I wasn’t driving anywhere as the M1 was closed in both directions due to ‘Animals on the Road’. A swift phone call ascertained that these weren’t Keith Spiers’ club covers having escaped again but a couple of sheep making a bid for freedom across the King’s Highway. 

Two hours later it was indeed still a glorious autumnal day as I drove into the car park to be greeted by Captain Bothwick ‘Faldo’ who had secured a bacon bap wrapped in foil (bless him), so I had sufficient calorific intake to make it to the first tee one hour behind schedule.

The rest of the party, sadly only numbering a further seven people, were well into their round whilst I apologised profusely to the starter marshal before attempting some deforestation from the first tee.

The only picture of the starting party is the one of Mike Gee, who may or may not be wearing the sunglasses ‘borrowed’ from the Secretary at our last meeting!

Team A were Tony Wood and his guest Robert Moore, Keith Spiers, and Mike Gee.

Team B were Mike Kerlogue and Graham Warley with Peter Bothwick and Nigel Howl bringing up the rear. (I know this is a perfect opening for a cutting remark or an unwoke witticism, but legal eagles are an expensive commodity, so let us adopt austerity and keep our thoughts to ourselves!).

We do hope that the small numbers (of the party, not the golf scores) were just a one off due to post covid holidays or other commitments that had to take precedence and that the turnout will be enhanced the next time we meet.

Our secretary, Mike ‘Kit Kat’ Kerlogue, who kept a low profile at this meeting due to his image rights contract not being renewed, decided that a yellow ball competition could not be entertained with the sparse numbers. Instead, a bottle was presented to each team winner with the highest stabelford score.

We were delighted to welcome Gill Windett, wife of our dear departed friend, Mike ‘Divot’ Windett, to present the prizes. Tony Wood, winner in Team A, with a robust score of 42 points and Mike Kerlogue, winner in Team B, with a more modest but befitting score of 29 points.

The Steele Bowl, best score for those with handicaps of 24 or above, is competed for at the Autumn meeting and Nigel Howl somehow retained it due to lack of competition and nobody being able, or willing, to recalculate handicaps on the new portable World Handicap System.

The eagerly awaited Steve Beckett Trophy for Shanker of the Day had a number of nominations: Tony Wood for losing a family heirloom which may have constituted a 15th club in the bag if it had not been lost; Mike Gee for performing a balletic pose when playing a shot through his legs; Graham Warley for fiddling with his buggy remote control in his pocket (no, we are being serious here!) and causing said buggy to veer across the 6th tee endangering life before rolling into a ditch; Robert Moore for twice bombarding an adjacent Romany Camp from the 11th tee and for remaining calm in light of a very frosty response to his request ‘could I have my balls back, please?’

A light-hearted and good-natured debate concluded with Robert being presented with the award on his Shanks’ debut.

Finally, and with much fanfare, we had the inaugural presentation of the Divot Trophy in memory of Mike Windett. The extra-large rake was awarded for the greatest number of bunkers visited in the round and was fiercely contested.

Keith Spiers and Mike Kerlogue both visited three each and a time out was needed for a swift committee meeting to ascertain that the trophy could be awarded on count back. Keith’s last two visits were on the 16th and 18th and he prevailed over Kit Kat who visited the 15th and 18th.

Our thanks to Mid Herts GC for looking after us in a most hospitable manner after an initial mix up over tee times, Tony Wood, President of PICT for his support and many hugs to Gill WIndett for attending the dinner and presenting the prizes.

£118 was raised for PICT and those who attended had a thoroughly enjoyable day. Hats off again to Mike Kerlogue for his organisation and fortitude.

Report by Nigel (the Scribe) Howl

 

Wed, 14th September 2022 Mid Herts GC Wheathampstead AL4 8RS

 

Please let me know soonest if you can join us,  and as before we meet at 12 noon for coffee / tea and bacon roll.  Tee times from 1.00pm and after golf a 2 course meal and prize giving at about 6.30pm so it will all be over by 8.30pm ish.

Costs keep rising but have manged to get this pegged at same as our outing to the Drift in May - £75 per head.  Many of you know my bank details if not let me know and I’ll send them across,  and cash on the day is OK.  As a last resort I’ll take a cheque.

Buggies available,  and as before please let me know if you need such assistance and I’ll reserve and hopefully team you up with a buddy to share the buggy.  Cost to be confirmed but suspect will be around £30 a round payable to pro shop on the day.

Mid Herts G. C. , Lower Gustard Wood, Lamer Lane, Wheathampstead, Herts AL4 8RS is close to a course we have played before,  Aldwickbury and the guy who recommended Mid Herts reckons this course is as good if not better – we’ll find out shortly !!

Formats for golf will be all the old stuff, yellow ball team competition and the honour of winning the Steve Beckett Trophy for shanker of the day ( currently held by yours truly) for allegedly hiding Roland’s golf ball.

AND a new competition in memory of our dear friend Mike Windett ( Divot ) who we lost this time last year.  More details on this competition and a splendid report on golf at The Drift in May by our scribe Nigel Howell will be published in the PICT Newsletter which is just about to be released.

 

I await news of your attendance in September.

 

P.S.  DATE FOR SPRING SHANKS IN 2023 -  we go north to Redditch and our Captains home course Abbey Golf and Country Club Hotel @ Redditch, Worcs – Thurs 18th May 2023

 

Date Thursday 19th May 2022, venue The Drift Golf Club, East Horsley, Surrey, KT24 5HD,

 

It seems that Spring is trying to blossom,  the snowdrops, crocus and daffodils are on show, but weather is still cold and damp.   But, regardless we have Shanks golf in May just around the corner.

 Arrangements are meet at 12.00noon for coffee / bacon rolls, tee off from 1.00pm and a 2 course dinner early dinner ( 6.30 ish ) and away by 9.00pm.

 Venue The Drift Golf Club, East Horsley, Surrey, KT24 5HD,  which is a mile or so away from Junction 10 of the M25.  We played at this course some 10 years or more ago and is now managed by the group that runs Badgemore at Henley on Thames,  one of Shanks favourite courses, so looking forward to checking out The Drift.

 Price for the golf day - £75.00 – will take cash on the day but would prefer electronic payment to Kit Kat’s bank account – if you have mislaid or need details let me know.

 Buggies available, think it’s £30 per buggy.  Let me know if you need buggy “assistance” and I’ll reserve and team you up with a like minded Shanker.  Payment for buggy will be direct to the pro-shop on the day.

 We shall have the usual medley of competitions -  team yellow ball, shanker of the day and high handicapper’s ( 24 and above ) will be playing for the Syd Humphries Trophy currently held by Phil Trudgeon who won the prestigious cup last year at Badgemore.

 Please let me know you can join us on 19th May,  and remember guests are always welcome as they could win a bottle of plonk and price for partaking is the same as Shankers ( £75 ).

 Regards Kit Kat

 

SHANKS AUTUMN MEETING - Aldwickbury Golf Club - 12th October 2021

Followers of this eminent publication will know of the higher authority networks that our secretary, Mike ‘Kit Kat’ Kerlogue, has built up to ensure that our golf days are blessed with calm, dry days. So, it seemed again as twenty enthusiastic golfers (I use both terms loosely) assembled for coffee and bacon baps in the well-appointed lounge of Aldwickbury Golf Club.

Wet gear was carried but not thought to be required as the teams were announced, the dreaded yellow ball handed over to the captains and Kit Kats distributed to those who did not have to refuse on medical grounds.

Team A were the first to tee off under the eye of a very patient marshal who dryly commented that “things can only get better, gentlemen” when no one managed further than fifty yards with their first efforts and Team B were considering whether they had time for another coffee before they could commence their round!

We would normally have a photograph of Team C here but the technologically challenged secretary claims his camera inexplicably changed formats without him noticing and the image has been lost or is now orbiting the space station. 

As Team C included the secretary and therefore constituted a selfie this is entirely plausible. Team C: Paul Atkins / Doug Newman / Tim Bowler / Mike Kerlogue.

        Of this fine body of gentlemen, only Team B managed to hang onto their yellow ball for all 18 holes which probably explained their fraught appearance back in the clubhouse, whereas all other teams looked quite relaxed having lost their balls (there’s probably a bawdy musical hall ditty that could be hummed at this point) by the halfway stage.

Bottles of wine were duly handed out to Keith Spiers, John Turner and Martin Fagan in recognition of their achievement with strict instructions that it was not to happen again.

Having started in fine autumnal weather the storm clouds gathered and light rain, interspersed with monsoon showers hit the leading group on hole seven and did not look likely to clear quickly which led to some groups (the optimists without their wet gear) deciding to retire at the halfway point, to seek shelter and warmth at the 19th. 

Team A who had no satnav in their buggy and had been in danger of being in the running for a collective ‘Shanker of the Day’ trophy for almost playing two incorrect holes – some tee directions being sadly missing – decided to plough on having located the 10th after a short tour. 

The reduction in those completing the full 18 holes was undoubtedly a contributing factor to Nigel Howl winning the Steele Bowl for the best score of those with a handicap of 24 or higher. This was as much a surprise to him as the rest of the assembly!

Chris Bell mentioned that he had had a good front nine but had to retire on the tenth as his playing partners walked off. It was mischievously suggested that it might not have had anything to do with the weather! 

Chauffeur, Captain, Faldo – yes him – Peter Bothwick, presenting the Steele Bowle to Nigel Howl.

The overall winner with 34 points was John Turner from Tony Wood after the secretary had employed his abacus on countback,

John receives his well earned bottle of fizz.

The Guests Prize went to John Walker who obligingly made sure that the Captain was in at least four photographs when he collected his wine.

The Steve Beckett trophy for ‘Shanker of the Day’ was won by Patrick Carty. We would have liked to have brought you a fifth photo of the Captain presenting the trophy but alas the cup was not in attendance. There was some discussion as to where it was residing but a major diplomatic incident was avoided when Tony Wood made a phone call home and it was ‘discovered’ under his stairs! Once the supply chain crisis eases and drivers are available the trophy will be delivered to its new home.

Patrick won when VAR and goal line technology ascertained that he needed three attempts to place his tee behind the yellow markers on the 18th. It had been a long day. 

Dinner was partaken by all and many better shots were played at table than were in evidence on the course. Our thanks to Aldwickbury Golf Club for looking after us and for having the opportunity to meet safely in these less restricted times.

This was the first SHANKS meeting since the sad death of our friend and colleague Mike ‘the Divot’ Windett. Mike Kerlogue in his closing remarks said that he was looking into a new award in memory of Mike and that he hoped to advise us of details when we next meet, which is scheduled for 19th May 2022.

Chris Bell thanked Kit Kat for his ongoing efforts to keep SHANKS going and his unfailing good humour in doing so. Hear, hear. 

£143 was raised for PICT on the day.

“exposé prepared by Nigel Howl”

 

SHANKS GOLF – Badgemore Park, Henley-on-Thames Tues 23rd June 2021

CRACKING WEATHER, CRACKING COURSE & CRACKING DAY

Despite having a delay of a few weeks due to the current pandemic restrictions, our Spring meeting was undoubtedly a success, as we managed to tick all the boxes to ensure a cracking day.

Badgemore has become a regular haunt of Shanks and this is the 4th visit in the past 8 years and all those attending can vouch that the course and facilities just get better and better.

So, 23 golfers met at 12 noon for the bacon roll and coffee and debriefing instructions with first group setting off at 1.00pm.  6 teams set off competing for trophies and prizes, brilliant sunshine and immaculate fairways and greens awaited us – and we were not disappointed.  Badgemore has a few tricky holes with left and right turns halfway down the fairway, some punishing par 3’s which for the oldies needed drivers, and interestingly only one par 5 but some long par 4’s.  While out roaming, we were accompanied by red kites flying and soaring in the thermals which is a sight to enjoy – just another bonus that made this a special day.

A few hours later we were back at the golf club to recover with a nice cool drink and to reminisce about our golf experiences – and for the first time in my memory the number of “incidents” which you expect from Shankers was minimal.  A buggy driver who lost his way, a golfer driving a ball from a fairway to the car park and avoiding some expensive cars / windscreens – all to be expected on a Shanks day. But known of these qualified for being shanker of the day and being awarded the Steve Beckett trophy – more news on the winner later.

Our meal for the evening was traditional steak& kidney pie, followed by apple crumble and custard – proper golfers’ grub which was appreciated by those dining as another sign that normality is slowly returning.

The golf results at Shanks are not something that is a prime objective of the day – comradeship / exercise and surprise makes a Shanks day so special.  But I can announce that the best stabelford score was recorded by Jonathan Tame with a stonking good score on the front 9, and then as we all know followed by a mediocre back 9; so that earned Jonathan a bottle of bubbly. The winner of the Syd Humphries Trophy, which is awarded to the golfer with a h/cap of 24 and higher, with the highest stableford score was Phil Trudgeon. Nick Piper had the best guest score. 

For as long as I can remember we have the Yellow Ball team competition and it still baffles me that with the simplest of instructions, whereby golfers take it in turns to play each hole with a yellow ball, we still manage to enter a long debate before and after playing on the rules of engagement. And this golf day was no exception. So, the teams have their cards written up with names, order of play per hole and A BRAND-NEW YELLOW BALL with their team number clearly shown on the ball to help them play the proper ball.  Nothing could be easier I am sure you will agree.  Alas if a team should lose the yellow ball, then the game is over, and the score up until the loss of the ball is the result they will be judged upon. The objective being to complete the round with the yellow ball and to get the maximum stableford score. So, at Badgemore on this Tuesday we saw 3 teams lose the yellow ball – for one team it was all over by the 4th hole, another at the 11th and one team lost their ball on the 13th.  However, for the rest, 2 teams completed the course with the original yellow ball clearly showing the security marking of their team “letter”; but one team allegedly lost their yellow ball on the 18th (last hole).  That was somewhat strange as the Shanks “police” found their ball marked ball (“A”) on the righthand side of the 10th fairway by the side of a tree. 

In the light of this yellow ball infringement, it was a unanimous decision that Team A would be reprimanded by being awarded the Steve Beckett trophy for the misdemeanour. You would have thought the members of Team A would know better –  one ex-president of PICT, the current President and Vice President – and if that’s not enough our very own Shanks Captain – Peter, alias Faldo. Speechless is I think the term that sums up the situation.

Oh, by the way, Yellow Ball competition was deservedly won by Team F – Alan and Nick Piper, Tim Bowler and Jonathan Tame. Congratulations and they earned a bottle of wine each.

So a great day at Badgemore which raised £218 for the PICT charity, and thanks to everyone who attended.

I just now want to conclude by making a special mention for a couple of Shankers who unfortunately were not fit enough to join us for this golf day but wanted to wish all the players a good day’s golf.  Firstly, Mike Windett (and occasional starter and Kit Kat provider), alias Divot, who regrettably has mislaid his clubs and as many of you know is wrestling with some health issues.  Patrick Shorten phoned me a while back and was concerned that he would love to be at a Shanks golf day, especially as he keeps up to date with our progress through e mails and reports in the PICT Newsletter but the will is there but the body is not up to strenuous exercise, and he wished all a good golfing day.  I have told Mike and Patrick, and all those ex Shankers – once a Shanker always a Shanker, and we will continue to keep you posted with our developments, anecdotes, and trivia. 

Finally, next Shanks outing:

ALDWICKBURY PARK GOLF CLUB, Harpenden AL5 1AB

TUESDAY 12TH OCTOBER 2021.  Meet @12 noon, golf and evening meal.

COST £65

Come and join us.

Signed: Mike Kerlogue

(alias Kit Kat)                                                          June’21

 

Shanks News

 

What a cracking day we had at Badgemore G.C. @ Henley-on-Thames ten days ago – everything went well;  weather; venue and more importantly the golf.  We had 23 playing and Jonathan Tame had the best score,  with Phil Trudgeon winning the Syd Humphries Trophy.  And a big surprise on who were the winners of the Steve Beckett Trophy for being the shankers of the day.  You’ll have to wait to find out, if you were not their on the 23rd, and all will be revealed in the report to be published in the PICT Newsletter due very shortly.

 

 

TUESDAY 12TH OCTOBER 2021 – ALDWICKBURY G.C. Piggottshill Lane, Harpenden AL5 1AB

Meet at 12 noon for bacon roll and coffee, tee off from 1.00pm and early evening meal around 6.30/7.00pm.  Cost £65 each and buggies available.  I’ll be sending out a reminder nearer the time but would appreciate advice if you can make it so I’ll have an idea of numbers.

THURSDAY 19TH MAY 2022 – The DRIFT G.C, East Horsley, Surrey KT24 5HD

Advance warning as society bookings now need to be made well ahead,  and really looking forward to checking the Drift out as its sister to Badgemore that looked after us so well in June.

Enjoy the wall to wall sport that is coming our way in the next week or so,  and hopefully we’ll be a step closer to resuming “normality” after the past 18 months of anguish very soon.

 

 

SHANKS AUTUMN HACK WESTERHAM GOLF CLUB – Thursday 24th September 2020

 

Readers of this section will know of the extraordinary network that Mike ‘Kit Kat’ Kerlogue has built up whilst organising the regular Shanks Spring and Autumn meetings and that he is in touch with higher authorities to ensure that we enjoy calm and sunny conditions.

So it seemed again, as we entered through the environmentally hidden gates of Westerham Golf Club, to be greeted with a very pleasant, sunny, autumnal day and a course in excellent condition. However, he must have slipped up at Mass, or issued a profanity during his round, as we were subjected to a major deluge whilst negotiating the back nine!

No matter, 16 hardy and enthusiastic golfers started the day with a coffee and bacon roll (which Ron Ingarfield couldn’t eat on medical grounds) and were then put into teams by our organiser. When he had finished, your scribe foolishly mentioned what a relief it was not to have a Yellow Ball Competition to spoil the occasion, whereupon the organiser rose again saying “Just one more thing, the Yellow Ball ………” and the scribe was advised that he should have kept his mouth firmly closed, or words to that effect!


Best wishes were sent by Mike ‘Divot’ Windett who couldn’t be with us, placing a further financial strain on our Secretary for the outlay on chocolate.

In time-honoured tradition Kit Kats were then distributed (which Ron Ingarfield couldn’t eat on medical grounds) and players made their socially distanced way to the 1st Tee.

Normally we would have a group shot but in these COVID-19 days we observed the regs and stayed well apart, hence two starting pictures.

(the two group shot pictures)

Yes, only 11 golfers feature, probably because the photographer went out with the second group and couldn’t be bothered to wait for everyone to assemble! Any suggestion that the others did not want photographic evidence in case they were meant to be isolating could be construed as slanderous.

The teams were:

Team A: Nigel Howl, Rod Benwell and Keith Spiers.

Team B: Chris Bell, Ian Failes and Mike Kerlogue.

Team C: Geoff Parnell, Chris Godfrey and Graham Warley.

Team D: Ron Ingarfield, Mark Ingarfield and Martin Stears.

Team E: Andy Thompson, Jason Middleton, Steve Ghost and Graham Farrell.

Two teams managed to hang on to their Yellow Ball for all 18 holes – Team B and Team C, but as only Mike, Chris Godfrey and Graham Warley were able to stay for dinner they all won a bottle of wine.

The winner of the guest’s bottle of wine was Steve Ghost, who let slip that he is a Tottenham fan and probably remembers the late, great John White whose nickname was The Ghost. Our other Tottenham fan, Captain, Faldo, him, Peter Bothwick, was again AWOL having had to isolate following a family holiday in Spain – it may even have been his own family.

Winner of the magnificent Steele Bowl was Keith Spiers with an eye watering 41 points, with Chris Bell runner-up on 31. The Secretary did query Keith’s total (good naturedly, naturally) but as PICT President, Rod Benwell and your scribe had witnessed the event, particularly the impressive back nine, the score was upheld. The handicap committee may well be meeting late into the night, though.  

Unfortunately, Keith was unable to stay for dinner so you will have to imagine a virtual photo of him holding the trophy aloft.

The contenders for the Steve Beckett Memorial Trophy for ‘Shanker of the Day’ were:

Andy Thompson for increasing his points total by adding VAT
Keith Spiers for hitting timber and the ball ending up 10 yards behind where he started.

Graham Farrell for a dead straight drive that went 10 inches.

Rod Benwell for losing control of his golf trolley and endangering the lives of others.

After a short discussion and vote it was deemed that the President of PICT, Rod Benwell, should be awarded the trophy as it seemed he couldn’t be bothered to run after his wayward trolley. Stories that Ron Ingarfield had to leap out of the way like a young gazelle to avoid being hospitalised are apocryphal (allegedly).

This is the fourth time that Rod has been the recipient of this trophy, but no doubt Andy Thompson will be doing his best to wrestle it from him in the future.

Our thanks to Westerham Golf Club for looking after us in a COVID-19 secure fashion, for all the golfers who turned out and to Mike ‘Kit Kat’ Kerlogue for organising another fine event and turning a small profit for the PICT coffers.

Nigel (the Scribe) Howell


 

Positive News for September 2020

Clearly trying times this summer after everything went into lockdown following the arrival of the virus – Covid 19 in late winter, and we are hopefully now seeing a slow resumption to a changed world around us.  I do not think we shall see life return to what we remember as normal times, adaptions and change will be with us for a long time ahead.

So, with a heavy heart we had to postpone our Spring outing to Abbey Hotel and Golf Club at Redditch in May – our Captain’s home course, until next year (2021).  We could not cancel as we did not want to let Covid 19 know that it had beaten us!

As Spring turned to Summer we saw the green shoots of change and fortunately we golfers, especially Shankers were able to start playing – on the basis that we are outside in the fresh air and we could fulfil self-isolation conditions.  Who ever heard of Shankers being any closer than 2 metres from one another on the golf course – in fact to make our golf seem ideal in these conditions we have invented a new ruling which came about as a result of a government advisor a few weeks back.  This ruling is known as the Dominic Cummings rule – you can hit a ball as far as you like out of bounds and without a penalty.

Enough of the past we must move on and as per the heading to this article we shall be playing our Autumn meeting at Westerham G C in late September.

THURSDAY 24th SEPTEMBER 2020 – Westerham G.C. Valence Park, Brasted  Rd. Westerham, Kent TN16 1QN.  Meet at 12 noon for Bacon Roll and Coffee, Tee off from 1.00pm. The only query is after golf, hopefully some hospitality will be available for prize giving and essential 19th hole discussions on who wins the coveted Steve Beckett Trophy for the Shanker of the day.  We shall also be playing for the Steele Bowl for the best stableford score for handicaps of 24 or higher – in September last year at Badgemore Park the winner was David Melville who I am sure will want to retain this magnificent trophy.

As always, we would like to see as many playing as possible, and guests are most welcome – just drop me a line by email or ring my mobile to book yourself in for a memorable game of golf.

Kit Kat Kerlogue

 

Autumn Meeting - Badgemore Park G.C Henley on Thames

Shanks held their Autumn meeting at Badgemore Golf Club situated near Henley on Thames. Although the rain lashed down in the morning, by the time the 10 Shankers gathered on the 1st tee the sun had made an appearance and the afternoon was perfect for some pleasant, if not necessarily good golf.

The shankers were competing for the Steele Bowl Trophy, awarded to the best stableford score recorded by a player with a handicap of 24 or more, a yellow ball team competition and the ultimate prize, the Steve Beckett trophy for best, or should that be worst, shanking moment of the day.

Battle commenced at Badgemore after lunchtime refreshments and although the Shanks secretary was AWOL due to an unavoidable commitment, the Shanks captain, Peter “Faldo” Bothwick provided the obligatory Kit Kats for each golfer. Alan Badcock also provided more sustenance in the shape of energy bars, which would be much appreciated during the afternoon.

Either the Shanks golfers are improving (unlikely) or Badgemore Park was playing very benignly, but all three teams managed to successfully guide their yellow ball round the course. The team of Geoff Parnell, Rod Benwell, Phil Trudgeon and David Melville won bottles of wine, having recorded a yellow ball score of an impressive 70 stableford points.

The Steele Bowl Trophy was won by first time shanker, David Melville, with a stableford score of 36, playing with a handicap, under the new handicap regulations, of 30. The highest score on the day however, was recorded by Geoff Parnell with a stableford score of 39. David wins the trophy as Geoff has a handicap lower than 24.

The Steve Beckett trophy, bestowed upon the player who is considered by his fellow golfers to have played the shank of the day, despite a considerable number of likely contenders, was awarded to Chris Godfrey. On the 7th hole Chris attempted to play his second shot with the ball in a deep divot. Despite three attempts to play a shot, the club contacted the earth behind the ball and the golf ball, suitably unimpressed, refused to move. Luckily his fourth attempt achieved some forward motion. A worthy winner indeed.

Although unable yet to play, the shankers were delighted to welcome Mike Windett, who joined the players for dinner. Mike has been going through a tough time recently with heart and kidney problems.  He is now thankfully through the worst of it and it is hoped he will continue to make rapid progress back to full fitness when he can, once again, start to lose golf balls on a regular basis.

It should be noted by all PICT members that several shankers only play the Shanks competitions and are by no means regular players. Anyone can come along and will not be embarrassed by their ability, or lack of it. The emphasis is on having a relaxing day out in a pleasant environment in good company, so please make a note when the dates for 2020 are announced.

Report and photos compiled by Graham Warley

 

Spring Meeting - Reigate Hill Golf Club

Fighting the monsoons on the M40 on the way to Reigate Hill in the quaintlynamed Gatton Bottom, it did cross this scribe’s mind that he could be doingsomething less damp with his time, particularly as the packed wet gear was for moderate British weather rather than Arctic convoys !

I had, of course, failed to take into account Mike ‘Kit-Kat’ Kerlogue’sremarkable network of contacts as the rain miraculously ceased on entering the golf club car park and we were even treated to bursts of spring sunshine as we made our way around the green and pleasant land that is Reigate.

Although one or two fairways carried surface water and bunkers were puddled, the course was in very good condition with sub aqua gear not being required. The greens, with their interesting contours, proved a test for all of us.

It was disappointing that there were only eleven players and that we had not received sick notes from a number who had indicated they would turn up on the day. No doubt this was due to the early inclement weather but it is insensitive to Kit Kat who puts a lot of effort into organising the day.

Sick notes that were proffered came from: Mike Windett (alias Divot) who had a starring role as a wizard in Dialysis Alley in a Harry Potter remake. Peter Bothwick (alias Nick Faldo), yes him, captain, Both, President, him, who had a sporting engagement in Amsterdam – nudge, nudge.

Andy Thompson (alias the Norwegian Eurovision score) who did show to cheer us off but pleaded a medical infirmity which precluded him participating.

At this juncture we would normally have a group photo but our organiser was fed up with members not making the first tee on time. He just took a photo of his starting group so they could start playing (I use the term loosely)!

Team A: Mike Kerlogue; Chris Bell; Graham Warley
Team B: Alan Badcock; Bob Green; Nigel Howl; Mike Jones Team C: Rod Benwell; Gary Brady; Justin Lawes; Keith Spiers.

All the above teams had a yellow ball to love and nurture round the course and all duly lost them!
Team B were the yellow ball winners managing to keep hold of it until the eleventh and amassing a few points on the way. Shown here receiving their prizes from Deputy Captain Rod Benwell.

The winner of the Syd Humphries Trophy Trophy for the best stableford score by the high handicappers (24 or

over) was Justin Lawes with 25 points points after countback. .

Overall winner on the day was Graham Warley with some score that was too high for us to remember

Contenders for the Steve Beckett Trophy for Shanker of the Day were:

The President, him, Captain Faldo, Bothwick, for non-attendance due to a sporting fixture on foreign soil.
Nigel Howl for playing on any fairway but his own.

Keith Spiers for peppering Alan Badcock’s buggy on the 15th (whilst Alan was in it).

Bob Green for stealing Alan Badcock’s buggy on the 11th and then tryingto play with Alan’s clubs as well.

It was judged by all that the theft of another’s buggy and not knowing yourown golf bag was a most serious offence and very worthy of the Steve Beckett trophy which will be presented to Bob Green once it has returnedfrom it’s spiritual home with Andy Thompson.

The evening was rounded off with a chicken pie dinner and hearty dessert served with relish by the Reigate Hill GC staff. We were joined by Mike Gee who generously provided wine and conversation to round off an excellent day.

Just in time to tune into Talk Sport and listen to Tottenham’s famous victoryagainst Ajax – our President’s voice (yes him, Faldo, captain, him) was in there somewhere, shouting on his beloved Spurs.

( Scribe to the Shanks report – Nigel Howl )

 

Autumn Meeting - Aldwickbury Park Golf Club

An impressive location is Aldwickbury Park, nestled into the side of the rolling landscape at Harpenden in Hertfordshire and for our Autumn meeting we were also blessed with a fabulous sun drenched day.  We couldn’t ask for better conditions and the greens were something else – despite the fairways having suffered from drought and the blistering heat in the summer.  These greens were VERY GREEN, and many had split levels, with dips, hollows and burrows to test even the very best of the putters.

I must give Michael Black a mention as it was his suggestion that Shanks should try out this course, and thanks Michael for the recommendation.  By the way, if any Shankers or anybody in PICT can suggest golf venues for Shanks golf days I would be grateful if you would let me know.  We try to have courses close to motorways, (but not too close), and ideally around the M25 so that we attract as wide an audience as possible who can easily commute to the venue for a 12.00 noon kick off.

One small downside for our golf day was the lack of players, which seems such a shame, as the absentees missed a great day of golf.  So, we had twelve players, which dropped to 11, when our Captain (Peter Bothwick – alias Nick Faldo) decided that for medical reasons he couldn’t raise his golf club higher than his waist – but if the truth be known his beloved football team – Spurs – were playing Watford that evening at the MK Dons stadium just up the road from Aldwickbury.  But he did act as our starter for the day, so thanks Peter for making the effort.  Our regular starter – Mike Windett (alias Divot) had declined attendance on the basis that he would be in Dubai – with the presumption he must have got a better offer as starter for a camel race!!

Just a mention on the group photo – you will see two players missing – Keith and Gary who were late on parade; I can only assume their lateness was due to an extended stay at the hairdressers – but as you will see from the “extra” photo they were certainly well coiffured when they eventually turned up.

When back in the golf club we found that most golfers had an average day, and more importantly for the first time no howlers of wayward golf balls or the like.  However, it was well known that Andy Thompson was missing the Steve Beckett Trophy from his mantlepiece. It was therefore evident that having an exemplary score card with the same “lowly” number stableford point on both the front and back nine holes, plus finding on or about 50% of the bunkers on the course – and Aldwickbury was well endowed with plenty of sand traps,  it was the unanimous decision that Andy be awarded the Steve Beckett Trophy for Shanker of the day.  The citation on the roll of honour to read – For consistency in not scoring and hitting over half the bunkers on the course.

 The Steele Bowl for the best stableford score by the high handicappers (H/cap of 24 or higher) was deservedly won by Chris Godfrey, The photo shows Chris being presented by the past holder of the Steele Bowl, Martin Stears.

 John Ladd a guest was the overall winner with a stableford score of 34.

The Yellow Ball team competition was won by the team of Keith Spiers, John Ladd and Kit Kat who were the only team who managed to coax the ball round the course with the original yellow ball.

Aldwickbury Park did us proud with an evening meal of Shin of Beef, followed by Bread & Butter pudding – proper grub for golfers of our ilk.

Thanks to everybody who supported the golf day, which regretfully didn’t raise as much as we have seen from previous Shanks outings, but at least we had a positive contribution to our charity funds.  Clearly the more that play the more we raise for PICT.

So we’ll do it all again in Spring 2019 and details of venue and date will follow shortly.

 Kit Kat ( alias Mike Kerlogue – secretary of Shanks Golf )

 

Spring Meeting - Grim’s Dyke GC

Our secretary, Mike (Kit Kat) Kerlogue networks well and has good communications up top, so the Shankers who made their way to North Middlesex were expecting a scorching, sunny day following the tropical Tuesday. Unfortunately, Mike must have been missing Mass, so it was a little dull and overcast and had us scurrying for warm sweaters and gilets. All except for Graham

Warley who insisted on playing in shorts and ankle socks. We thought he was shivering but this could, of course, have been some age-related illness!

The Grim’s Dyke staff made us very welcome and coffee and bacon baguettes were consumed whilst Kit Kat distributed chocolate and the infamous Team Yellow balls. He did try to explain the scoring system but eventually gave up and delegated to a ‘responsible’ member of each team. In management speak this probably constitutes empowerment but in the Shanks is better classed as desperation.

Thirteen Shankers made their way to the tenth tee (Grim’s Dyke trying to confuse us by insisting we start on the 10th) together with spectator and non-playing Shanker, Alan Piper, in his Brian Hanrahan role of counting them out and counting them back in again!

Following the Bob Newhart school of accountancy, we started within a few bucks of 1.00pm despite the secretary changing the location of the photo shoot to higher ground as his smart phone works better pointing upwards!

Teams and Competition results…. 13 players, 4 teams.

TEAM A:      Peter Bothwick, Alan Badcock and Chris Bell

TEAM B:      Nigel Howl, Mike Gee and Graham Warley

TEAM C:      Mike Kerlogue, Michael Black and Gary Brady

TEAM D:      Keith Spiers, Barry Gregory, Geoff Parnell and Matt Ingram

Competitions:

Yellow Ball:           

 The winning team was Team A who were the only team to nurse it around the 18 holes. The secretary didn’t need to announce the points score as the other teams lost their balls too early in proceedings!

Best Overall Score:

 Keith Spiers with 29 points.

High Handicappers

 24 and above playing for the Syd Humphries trophy. The winner on 25 points playing off 27 was Nigel Howl who appreciates that he is only keeping it warm for Martin Stears.  Yee Ha.

Nearest the Pin

 On the 110 yard 6th green. Gary Brady being the only Shanker to land on the green – another benchmark for the section!

Steve Beckett Trophy  for Shanker of the day.

Two considerations:

Team D for managing to lose their yellow ball off the tee on the first hole! A splendid effort but probably understandable on a difficult tree lined par 5 you might think. However, on a par 3 with quite an open approach this took no little skill.

Chris Bell of Team A. When their yellow ball was struck into a hedge bordering water, the intrepid Chris, with no thought to his own safety and wellbeing, plunged into the water and searched among the brambles. Trench foot, lacerations to the arms and torn Gucci polo notwithstanding, he emerged triumphant with three yellow balls – one of which was Team A’s. The Captain, yes me, Bothwick, Captain, laconically commenting ‘Well done Chris, great teamwork’. For the reply, please send an opaque self-addressed envelope and a small charitable donation to PICT.

It was judged that Chris’ effort in going the extra mile for his team and offering to pay his own medical expenses, meant he should be the recipient of the trophy.

It was a delight to have PICT President, Paul Johnston-Knight, join us for dinner and to present the prizes.

Mike (Defib Divot) Windett also joined us for dinner having taken on the role of official finisher as his previous role of official starter was costing him too much in chocolate.

Our thanks again to Mike Kerlogue for organising an excellent day and for his rounding up speech mentioning the Grim weather, the Grim rough and the tough Grim greens leading to his new nom de plume of The Grim Reaper. As one wag commented, this was better than the other sobriquet on offer – ‘Dyke Head’!

A splendid day with £90 being raised for PICT funds.